When people come for you and you didn't send for them.
When people help put sh*t on you you weren't meant to carry.
I'm a Christian and there is this general Southern Baptist rule that cursing is bad and I avoid expletives at all cost but today is not that day. Yesterday I was blindsided by negativity. I felt burdened, and I felt hurt, and I felt powerless.
I had the wind knocked out of me after being on this natural life high. After a year of near fruitless striving and slightly aimless nation building, I spent nearly a week with creatives, innovators, and community changers. People walking with authority in the belief that anything is possible and a few people could be a significant force for positive change in a world filled with vile and horrible things. A group of people who cared about poverty, gender inequality, the environment, and general human hardship and were doing big and small things to address these issues and these people became my tribe. YES JESUS! They choose me, welcomed me, nurtured me, taught me the secret hand shake and became my freaking people. My StartingBloc fellowship has been life-giving!
The past few weeks, every idea I was too afraid to speak aloud, if I simply spoke it in the right people's presence, platforms were built and people became willing to collaborate. Everyday since, I have been in balance. Doing my thing during the day in my corporate gig. Coming home and being present with my family. Trying to do my wifey thing extra right. And slaying my nighttime entrepreneur thing. I was running on the fuel of God's presence, self-confidence and community. I was on my super hero -ish. I was kicking butt and taking names.
It was bound to happen, that I would face doubt in some form. But I wasn't ready. I was ill prepared. My guard was down. I thought I was in a safe space. And I was crushed.
After pitching my ideas to a room full of complete strangers. Getting one on one meetings with influencers across fields and finding new opportunities to flex my servant leader muscles in different arenas, I had an unexpected blow from my home base.
I tried to not to take it personally. I tried to understand the person giving me the list of why I was not presently equipped to get sh*t done (sorry for the excessive use). I was not in a place to receive past perceptions of my life and my capacity. I was hit with a wave of sadness that could not be described. I remember pitifully trying to salvage the conversation. Trying to be extra attentive in the midst of confusion. Trying no to be defensive. Trying not to be angry. Trying not to be sad. I have been trying not to be these things for over 24 hours now.
I've been begging God to help me learn and move forward. Ward off hurt and anger. Not be tainted with self-doubt and inadequacy. Satan knows your buttons and will use the kindest of people to push them. Satan is the definition of trifling. He is behind all of Donald Trumps speeches and came for me personally.
I'm working through this myself, but when people come for you and you didn't send for them, follow this course:
- Reject the urge to fight back. Don't lash out in your hurt. Hurt people often hurt people and that's not prosperity.
- Don't be victimized, set boundaries and know your worth.
- Try to maintain your sexy. Don't let them see you cry. If you do shed a tear, don't do the full on ugly cry in front of them.
- Go into community with people who can and will love on you as well as tell you when your wrong without tearing you down.
- Learn and move forward. Every set back is a learning opportunity, when you have distanced yourself enough from the negative emotion, reflect on your own actions and how you can grow from the situation.
- LET IT GO. If you're not ready to let it go, play that Frozen song until you are able to.
Life will have setbacks, roadblocks, critics, and emotionally trying situations. It is all about learning from and moving past them.