On your way in, don't gasp and don't judge!
I have two kids and they are loud, full of life, energetic, and seemingly happy. So, when you walk through my front door, sometimes (most times) it looks like a tornado touched down.
This could be a major point of stress... "What kind of mother am I, will my husband understand?"
But the truth is, I will be surprised as hell if in 20 years some high functioning, dysfunctional adult fictitious versions of my two near twin children are dragging me kicking and screaming into group therapy because their childhood home wasn't clean enough or, because they were allowed to play too freely in the living-room.
Of my many personal faults (which I am actively working on), chill parenting probably won't be the one that a counterfeit "ex" version on my current husband would use as an adequate excuse for his emotional abandonment.
Though my house is rarely clean, Rhett Butler and I currently don't give a damn... Unless I'm expecting house guests or my Mother (in law) is coming to visit!
Sometimes, the best form of self-care is ignoring the ish you don't have time or sufficient dambs for, like cleaning or teaching your husband to clean. Since, his mama didn't...