Today we took our kids to Karate. This is always a pleasure because our children are slightly wild and I quite enjoy watching the sensei try to convince my son that fighting is a measure of last resort and our daughter that she should do more than stand there and stare at him blankly as he tries to break her out of her shell. I don't intervene, I'm paying this man good money to instruct my offspring in the martial arts. So I sit, observe and snicker in the background while my husband fights the urge to pick up our son by his scruff when he gets too out of hand.
These are some of the best moments. Lazy Saturdays.
Afterward, we go to the nearby park and I am ready. I'm wearing my best kicks (those bright green Asics trainers), jeans with stretch, and even brought my resistance band. I'm prepared to play with the family and get a low key workout.
I'm feeling good. The sun's shining bright with a slight chill in the breeze. The kids are frolicking. I've done a few reps with the resistance band and I've lunged enough to feel a slight ache in my lower body. The guilt about not working out this week melts away and I start feeling more and more like a super model with every lunge, flex and crunch.
I'm feeling great, the kids are having fun, but the husband is being shady. A perfect Saturday, and this negro is being shady.
About what, I don't know.
He makes some shady comment about not getting the memo about the park workout, looks from his flip flops to my tennis shoes.
He mentions the length of time we've already spent at the park only 20 minutes into the fun.
When I recommend doing side by side jumping squats, he gives a stern no. When I sit on his lap and try to change his mind with playful and slightly inappropriate tickling. He rejects me; partly because another family just joined us in the previously "us only" area and partly because he was still being shady.
I tried to keep it light and playful, but his shadiness was rubbing off.
By the time we left the park. I was done with him. Joy had exited my spirit and when he asked me what was wrong, he got the kiss of death in response: "Nothing."
Then we have a long conversation in the car, in the grocery store, in Home Goods about what the heck happened at the park. He makes a few observations that seals the final few nails in his annoy the wife coffin:
- "When I'm upset it is only for a little while, yours might ruin the entire day" (When we are still talking about it an hour later)
- "Why do you only feel playful in public places, why not at home" (Now that he realizes he said no to my overt sexual advances and wishes he didn't)
- "Why are you acting weird still hours later" (Him being all self-conscious about me just reading a book when I was not even thinking about our disagreement)
I wanted to be casual and loose and flirty and playful with him, but I couldn't. I wanted PDA when he didn't. I felt excited about the outdoors when he wasn't.
I still don't know why he was being shady at the park. Hours of discussion gave me no clear insight. But I did do that shady wife thing of consciously and then subconsciously making him emotionally pay for his mostly unintentional hurting of my feelings at the park. Years of marriage and I still can't shake this. I'll let you know if I ever figure out how.