In the last couple of weeks I've come to face some harsh realities about my mothering skills. Piglet has grown and changed a great deal, her needs have changed and I have not changed with those needs. A couple of weeks ago (after 14 months of doing so)  I stopped breastfeeding and stopped knowing how to comfort my daughter. My husband has always had to work a great deal harder at bonding with and comforting our daughter. He did not have the miracle of milk producing breasts and everything required more finesse. He is good, in fact he is great with her. He can lay her down for naps with ease and soothing her is second nature. I, on the other hand struggle. I realize that  my dependence on breastfeeding for all things baby soothing has made me a lazy and ineffective mother in more ways than one.

When I walk in from work in the evening, Piglet's eyes light up and she is team Mommy! She wants to cuddle and play but my first thought is dinner and 10 minutes of cuddling is not enough for her. These days my evening meals (when Hubs does not cook) have to allow for baby to be able to rest on my hip while preparing. Easier said than done. But as soon as the honeymoon cuddle phase subsides, she fusses and  I immediately look to her father to comfort her.

I am feeling so disappointed in myself. My daughter's wants and needs are changing but I am not adapting with these changes, mostly because I use my husband as a the crutch my milk ducts once were. He is the more effective parent and he is so stressed by it. He does not have a moment to himself because he is constantly watching, caring, and soothing her. He is in essence a single father.

I've made a decision to consciously work on my mothering and marital partnering skills. They are definitely areas of growth in my life.